Seeking Him

Hello All :o)
It's been a good while since my last visit to blogspot! Last week, Maleah had one of her tough weeks in the tummy department, but she's much better! Dillon, Maleah and I spent Memorial Day weekend in Kingston visiting family. Julian was visiting family in Texas; we missed him terribly! However, it was a fun weekend!! Maleah was feeling good; that makes all the difference. At times I'm envious of those mothers who have babies that just smile and coo and sit in their car seat- indifferent to the world! They are so calm and easy going. My Maleah is quite the handful, high maintenance! But I love her dearly and that spunky personality of hers too :o) Marriage is growing beautifully; God is working in our family in many ways. I am in need of a Mommy Son Date in the very near future! I want to spend some quality alone time with Julian. He helps me tremendously throughout the day, so I feel it's important to have fun times with him and I as well. I have many close friends who are expecting babies, MANY aquaintances who will be mommies too, and a few who desire to have children but are met with great difficulty! Let's just say our prayer list is quite lengthy for these special gals and their families! My heart is burdened with petition for them during this time. When you're growing up as little girls, your thoughts so often remark, "one day when I have a baby..." We take this time for granted as children. We think it will simply be when we are ready; however, God may have different plans for our lives. Because of this fact, Dillon and I tell our children, "If God desires to give you children..." This can be a painful and joyous time in life all to draw us closer to our Heavenly Father. We can do nothing apart from His mercy and loving hand. I am starting a summer bible study with some fantastic ladies over the series Seeking Him- Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We will meet together starting next Tuesday! I already completed the first week, and I am loving the gems of grace God is showing me. I am tired of going through the motions. Yes, I am experiencing joy in my salvation, but so much feel more like routine than sincere devotion. Christians go through spiritual dry spells! I need the Living Water to quench this thirst! 


Here is an excerpt from my reading yesterday
"Revival is the sovereign work of God. He chooses when and to whom He sends it...'Revival is not some emotion or worked up excitement; it is rather an invasion from heaven which brings to man a conscious awareness of God.' " included a quote from Stephen Olford

So long Piper

We had to put our dog, Piper, down this afternoon... it's a sad time :/ It truly is for the best. Unlike many good reasons to put a dog to sleep (health or pain issues) Piper was a bully. He would try to bite people and just recently started to attack other dogs. He was running to our neighbor's land just to attack their one male dog, who is very small compared to his mid-size body, which is pure muscle. The only people he loved was our close knit family. He hated outsiders, even if we welcomed them. We lived in constant fear that he would attack family or friends, and anyone who came over was weary of him. But oh, did he love and adore Dillon, Julian and I. As soon as we would give him any attention, he rolled over to show his belly. Piper refused to even play wrestle or mouth on us. He only showed affection to us, and he was of course an amazing guard dog. Unfortunately, he was a huge risk for any one, and a liability for us. We have tried everything we can think of to keep him confined so others are safe. Electric fences (he doesn't mind the pain of getting shocked), tie outs (manages to eventually get loose no matter the kind we try), fenced-in kennels, and keeping him inside (as soon as we take him out to void, he bolts to the neighbors to get their dog...We sought the advise of many, and no one has any other suggestions for us. I know in my heart this was the right decision. It doesn't make it easier though... We'll miss our pup!  


RIP Piper 

Praising!!!

These past few days have been amazing!!! Maleah is now soothing herself to sleep 100% of the time :o) yaaaay! She is taking longer naps in her crib, so I am able to get ministry things taken care of (cleaning, laundry, cooking, bible study :) She is smiling a lot too; melts my heart! Yesterday, on our way to Dillon's show in Davis, Oklahoma she was in her carseat starring at her flower toy. I watched her with enthusiasm as she intently furrowed her eyebrows while reaching out her hand and hit it! I was so excited!! Initially, I thought perhaps it was an accident, a mere happenstance... But she repeated this game over and over! I am so proud of my little Maleah! She is holding her head up independently. At times she is a bit unsteady, especially if a nap is in the near future :o) But she's doing great! Moreover, during tummy time, she is holding her head up high and lifting her chest off the ground! Mama's milk is making her strong! haha!! Last night at the ministry event, I just held her in my arms (with the support of my fabulous sling!!!) and I looked upon her face, so peaceful and beautiful. I began to pray fervently with thankfulness for our precious daughter and wonderful son. At that moment, I glanced up to see Julian Cole at the front of the stage watching Dillon perform. Julian was captivated by the words- worshipping God where he stood! Tears formed in my eyes; I am so undeserving of God's mercy & grace to belong to such a wonderful family. It's days like these that remind me when the storm comes, the Son will bring warmth in days that follow.  




Fight the Good Fight of Faith Beloved

On my WEIGHT to Success

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11)


The blog almost every woman would write if they were so inclined... 
It is not an easy task to discipline your body, your habits, your thoughts, your mouth; however, we mustn't be slaves to our desires. We need to rule over them. If you are overweight or weak physically, it is from a lack of self control. The bible addresses this issue :o)  


A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28


But the fruit (evidence) of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23


Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in ALL things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27


Now, it's important to mention that these verses are addressing self-control in all areas of life > more specifically refraining from sin and seeking the Lord God with all of your being. This requires great self control!!! Moreover, these scriptures definitely apply to the area of bodily discipline. Well, I'm ready to work on this pregnancy weight. Maleah was born 8 weeks ago today :) It's time!!! I want this to be a time of worship to God. I am giving Him ALL of me- including my eating habits and how I care, or neglect, my body. This is a stewardship problem. I have not been a good steward of what God has given me- this body that I have abused with my indifference.  I have the refrigerator and pantry stocked with healthy goodies; Dillon has the elliptical up and running; our sneakers are ready, and my heart is set on Christ! Let's do this! 


On another note, I found these amazing cookies :o) lol  They are called WhoNu. They are healthy cookies that taste comparable to the chewy chips ahoy! These cookies have as much fiber as a bowl of oatmeal, the same amount of calcium and vitamin D as a glass of low fat milk, the same Vitamin C as a cup of fresh blueberries, as much Iron as a cup of cooked spinach, the same amount of Vitamin B12 as a cup of cottage cheese with fruit, as much Vitamin A as a glass of tomato juice and enough Vitamin E to compare with 2 cups of carrot juice!!!!! WOW!!!! Anyway, if you have a difficult time getting your kid to eat all these healthy foods, give them 3 of these cookies!!! They are not bad at all! In fact, it was hard to stop eating after 3 :o) I will share neat snack and recipe ideas on here after they've been tested, tasted and approved by my family! 


This is the beginning of a series of blogs on self control. Not all posts will be concerning bodily control, but I hope you'll join me on my journey!
Remember, 
"for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

Blanket of Prayers

1 Thessalonians 5:17... Pray without ceasing


I desire to live a life of prayer. I want to be a woman who covers her husband with love and a devoted prayer life. I aspire to pray incessantly for my children, teaching them in love & patience to worship God- serving Him with all their being. 
When I get up in the morning... as I brush my teeth... during feeding times... drinking my morning coffee (decaf uh hem)... folding laundry... doing dishes... cleaning toilets... YOU GET IT!?!?! I can lift up loved ones in petition to my Heavenly Father no matter what I'm doing throughout my day. My inner soul should never grow quiet :0) 
This evening, my husband shared his heart concerning the kind of day he had. I knew the remedy was seeking Christ, supplicating on behalf of my dearest in all humility and faith. So often our minds play this game..."well, there's nothing I can do; I guess I should pray." no!!! No!!!! NO!!!  This line of thinking is so foolish! Prayer should be the FIRST thing we submit ourselves to do. It IS an action! We can beg God for His action- which is ALWAYS the best for us & those we love. Tonight I ask myself, why do I wait until he has a difficult day to pray on his behalf??? I need to make his life a matter of prayer daily. Similarly with my children; I can seek God's affections for the care of my little ones. Prayer should not always be parading a "honey-do" list before the face of God. In fact, I need to use my words to praise and glory in my Maker :0) This brings much joy and satisfaction to a believer to partake in this practice! If you do not make this a habit (telling God how great He is :0) Begin today!!! You will grow closer to Christ, and you will feel amazing in His presence. Golly, you may even get saved! BUT, do not feel guilty or ashamed to ask God for the desires of your heart. He enjoys having a conversation with His little ones as well... so don't hold back! I'm going to start tonight! 


Sola Scriptura

The Garden of Bitterness

"The heart knoweth his own bitterness."  Proverbs 14:10


"The roots of a weed can choke out the most beautiful garden... the Bible warns Christians of another root that can destroy in a far greater way — the root of bitterness. In Hebrews 12:15b, the writer says, "Lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." As believers, we must forgive those who hurt or offend us. When we refuse to forgive, bitterness grows, intertwines itself around our Christian witness, and chokes out our joy in Christ. Our lives become sour, and we see the world through critical eyes and speak with skeptical and sarcastic remarks. Not only is the Holy Spirit grieved, but also those we touch are affected by the ugliness of bitterness."


This exerpt is from a blog I read daily, and it came at the best time! No one is exempt from bitterness. I am prone to bury anger or hurt allowing it to fester, bringing me down... Areas of temptation for me are when people I love and trust don't come through when they say they will. Every now and then people let you down and have to cancel commitments >> it happens :) I do it too! But when it's 99.9% of the time, it wears me down. I hold my tongue; I try to be understanding, slow to anger and quick to forgive. As a result it compounds and I feel that weed beginning to root in the soil of my soul. The solution > Christ! Prayer! In humility confessing my sin to my husband who will faithfully pray with me :o) We have to fight against bitterness. Don't give in to it. 


The blog ended with this thought...


"Has bitterness taken hold in your life? Perhaps you have a family member or friend who has hurt you deeply and you've refused to forgive him. Be careful that the anger you're holding onto doesn't lead to bitterness. Why not let God uproot the pain and renew your bitter heart with a flowering heart of forgiveness and love? "And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:30-32)."






if you want to read the entire blog on bitterness, click the link below :)
http://www.aophomeschooling.com/blog/daily-focus/bitter-roots/?utm_source=dailyfocus20120412&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=enews&utm_content=s.darnell1203@gmail.com

BeAuTiFuL Birthdays & Burprags

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIAN COLE (4/11)

I have been so busy with Maleah!! It's been a crazy couple of weeks :o) I keep reminding myself that this time will pass.. and then I'll wonder where the time went, and I'll miss it!!! That's how we are. That's how I am. Today, for example, is my boy's birthday. He is NINE!!! The time has flown, and I so miss the days of mispronounced words and the nights that we would cuddle on the couch and watch disney movies... now he can't even fit on my lap :o) He is growing into such a godly boy though. It brings joy to my heart as I witness godly character bringing maturity, conviction, love, patience, forgiveness without barriers... The maturity I've seen in him with Maleah and all the time she requires from Dillon and I is phenomenal. I have given him many opportunities to share his feelings on our new home environment & he is so sweet and seems almost baffled that I would ask him if he's feeling resentful or bitter about sharing his parents' time. He really is growing so big! His bday party is friday, hoping we don't get rained out. Right now there's a chance for storms and possible tornados :/ I have mostly outdoor games planned, but we can just move it inside if needed :)  

I've battled with days of lonliness... striving to set my mind on things above where Christ is, instead of earthly bounds (Colossians 3:1-2). Dillon is my best friend, so during busy nights when he has commitments it can be rather daunting. I have not been reading consistently this week >> when I don't fill my mind with things that bring God joy and glory, I feel the result. Dillon and I spent a date night in Colossians; that helped us both tremendously. Some times we get in a "funk" and Hubby and I were both in that state. Spending cuddle time on the couch sharing our lives and God's Word was a beautiful time. 

One of my BEST friends, Crystal, is here to spend time with the family and help with Julian's bday party preparations. She is sugar to my heart :o) I love having godly sisters come stay with me!! I love sharing life with my girls >> gives us the emotional and spiritual energy we need to continue steadfast on the journey called life. 

Sola Fide my Friends 

Co-dependency

My parents just left :) They finally got to meet their newest granddaughter. It was a great visit! My mama did a great job with baby! Maleah is usually only content when Dillon or I hold her. 

Maleah is doing much better with her tummy troubles. My newest challenge is soothing her to sleep on her own in the bassinet. She is used to being held, rocked, bounced 24-7 since she was in so much pain. Oh well :) One day at a time! On a brighter note, I am loving this warm weather :) BRING IT!! I love a clear blue sky and a sun hanging high in the heavens. 

Last night (well this morning :o) I realized my complete dependency on God. As Christians, we 'know' this > but ever so often this reality smacks us in the face! My inadequacy has been hanging out lately. Life has become one of constant prayer; I pray for things I NEVER thought I'd pray for. One example- I pray that Maleah will burp* No kidding :0) After every feeding I beseech God on Maleah's behalf. If baby girl doesn't burp, she will be in pain later and spit up all her nutrients. LOL, it sounds so silly but it's so important. Ah, the little and seemingly inconsequential- trivial- things in life hold so much weight in the first few weeks of life. It's amazing how much prayer time you can fit into your daily life when you're awake every 2 hours :)

Soli Deo Gloria

You are what you Think

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.



WOW!! This verse is so rich! If only I could live consistently by this verse, OH I would be such a happier Jesus girl :) God has shown me just how much I need to LIVE out His Word, not merely a reader of the scriptures. A reader of the bible requires discipline, but a doer of the Word requires practice and a complete reliance on my Savior. A doer of the the scriptures means there will be times of defeat and failure (and who wants that?!?!) BUT how fulfilled one's spiritual walk with Christ becomes during this brutal exercise! The Holy Spirit has continually pointed to these verses in Philippians this week. This is my week's verse for sure :) It hasn't been fun, let me tell ya!! Nevertheless, I have grown this week- as a believer and mama; my fellowship with the Father is ever so sweet lately because of the brokenness and self-INsufficiency I have experienced. 


My Philippians walk started Sunday- 
Julian went with Jeremy (bio dad) to Tennessee to visit family. They left Friday and were expected home Sunday. My anxiety peaked at an all-time high Sunday just before midnight. The last text message I received from Julian was before 5pm Sunday... and then NOTHING... He wasn't responding to my text messages or answering his phone. Jeremy's phone was off or dead, and I couldn't get through to him either. What a horrifying feeling. When someone has your baby, only God knows how far away, and you can't get in touch with him. Immediately I share my concern with Dillon. He tried to likewise reach Julian to no avail. Then I get all "fleshly" mama bear mode and start texting Jeremy's sister who lives in Utah to get Jeremy's girlfriend's number, and see if their side of the family has heard any news... just reliving it through this blog causes my blood pressure to rise. While I wait (ever so impatiently) for a response, Dillon suggests that he share with me what our Pastor taught at church that day- since Baby and I don't leave the house yet, not until 4-6 weeks :) First, Dillon prays! THANK THE LORD for my wonderful man of God!!! However, during the entirety of his prayer I had to WORK to fix my thoughts on what he was saying. It was not easy! My thoughts were going to the worse places! Ever been there? During his prayer of protection for our son I'm thinking Julian is in a hospital badly hurt, close to death- wishing his mommy and daddy were there to hold and kiss him... tears flood my eyes, even now, thinking on such horrible things. During the time Dillon was sharing God's WORD with me, I had to fight (yes, that's the best adjective to describe this inner battle), and repeatedly re-directed my thoughts to God's Word- to those which are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise. Most of us will 'fight' momentarily, but the struggle comes when the fight requires hours... I usually give into sin by that point. We can usually force ourselves to go to that "happy" place for moments at a time- for Christians, our happy place is God; a reflection upon His goodness, His faithfulness in the past, His promises in the scriptures to never leave or forsake us- and one of my favorites~ His promise in Romans 8:28, "God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God..." In this moment of insecurity, doubt, fear, anger & anxiety I had to stay in my safe place- in His arms. I had to pray, "Lord, I know you are sovereign.. Julian is yours. You are with him now. You are always with him and you love Julian more than I could ever imagine. If something horrible did happen, I know you can sympathize. Your One and only Beloved Son died a gruesome death on a cross, alone. This death was ultimately to fulfill a beautiful promise that brought redemption to all your chosen people- and everything that happens tonight and every day is not outside of your perfect plan.. for me and for Julian." The anxiety dwindled... but then it would arise with fierceness again and again... and I lived in this spiritual warfare for hours. The Lord finally brought sleep upon my eyes and rest for my soul.  Maleah awoke for her 4am feeding, and I was thrilled to see a text message from Jeremy saying they would be home Monday. Oh, Joy DOES come in the morning as the psalmist says :) I know it sounds weird to some, but I feel closer to God after a night like that! My prayer life has a new finesse :) 


These verses have also been applied in moments of caring for a restless, inconsolable baby girl :) When the clean laundry is piled high, mocking me from the corner of my bedroom... when my hubby isn't as tidy as I would like... when friends or family let me down... when I'm feeling frustrated or struggling with lonliness, these verses apply! I have learned a great deal this week and just last night I had to learn some more!!! Life is tough! Life can be dirty and ugly- but wash away that grit with a focus on Christ (THE ONE who is , and He will reveal just how beautiful He is! He is the only One who is perfectly  true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise!!! So I will think upon Him! If my thoughts are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise, I will be too >> not for my benefit, but for the glory and honor of God :) 


Remember,
You are what you Think

Fellowship

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 



I've been meditating on these verses today. I was prompted to do so by the homeschooling devotional I receive daily. (I love them!!) Initially, I thought about church- I'm sure you church-goers did as well :) But I really believe this verse is pointing to that & more! Are we surrounding ourselves with other Christians? It has been difficult for me to do much during these past 2 weeks; but I have been inclined by the Word of God this afternoon to make intentional efforts to stir up others to love and good works- not neglecting to spend time with my sisters in Christ :) We get so much strength when we live life in numbers! Talking on the phone (or texting) is good, and I suppose facebook has its perks- but I'm going to invite a family from church over this week for a visit :) I have to find a good day that works for Dillon and I, but fellowship is vital for our spiritual well-being! The author of Hebrews is specifically addressing Christians in this context- so an invitation to my unbelieving family & friends will wait for another time; the bible definitely has suggestions for them too!   


Maleah had tummy troubles all last night... it was a long night :/ You feel so helpless when your baby is hurting and there's only so little you can do. So Dillon, Maleah & I took a warm bath together in our jacuzzi tub! She loved it & it helped tremendously :)


Can't wait to see Julian. He's been with his biological dad since Friday! Our house isn't a home without him here. 

Greetings

I am so excited to start blogging! I've been praying about starting a blog. I definitely desire to use this as an avenue to bring Christ glory :) It was either this- or a paper journal... who uses paper anymore? haha! Well, today I am in bed with baby girl, Maleah Grace. She has an upset tummy :( I have pretty much cut out all dairy from my diet; that has helped her, since I am nursing. However, I had a vanilla malt Friday- and I believe this is the culprit for a fussy baby- dairy despairs. Guess I can't do that for a while. She's only 2 weeks old, and I suppose her tummy needs some time to adjust to certain foods. Too bad I LOVE milk, haha... For now, I drink Almond Milk :) The sacrifices of a mama :) It is so worth it!!! No amount of words can describe the love a mother has for her babies! I never imagined I could love another the way I do my son, Julian. Boy I was wrong!! I absolutely love them both! Dillon is infatuated with his baby girl too- and Julian adores his baby sister. We are just full of love over here!!! Our cup runneth over!! The most difficult adjustment has been my inability to do anything alone. Maleah requires my absolute attention. Dillon helps so much when he gets home from work; he holds rocks her or plays "Daddy Train" so I can shower :) I haven't done my hair in 2 weeks LOL, so it stays up with a headband in place. Hopefully I look presentable! But you know what? This is such a precious time in my life and every bad hair day is worth it!!! :) It won't be long until Maleah wants me to do her hair :) 


On another note, I completed Genesis 2 days ago! Started Exodus and I am still in Matthew :) I'm on track to finish the bible in a year. It is definitely a matter of discipline. My prayer is that I desire God's Word- that I feel empty and incomplete if I neglect my spiritual food. It feels so amazing when I am intimately acquainted with my Savior in the scriptures- so WHY do Christians put it down for days at a time?? I've never understood this phenomenon. It's a spiritual battle. The enemy doesn't want us to be equipped with the only offensive weapon we have as believers. As a nurse, I would grow irritated with patients who did not take their medication as ordered... it's no wonder they're back in the hospital, sick AGAIN- but God just revealed my hypocrisy!! You see, when I neglect the Word, it's no wonder I get sick spiritually.. I can be quick to anger or grow irritated. I am prone to bitterness, lonliness, impatience with my son or Dillon- mostly during times of disobedience, I am a Silent Sinner. The thoughts and contentions of my heart are dishonorable and ugly. I am not suggesting that one is capable of a sinless, perfect life if you read your bible, although that would be incredible!!! I am insinuating, however, that we would have more ammunition to fight our sinful inclinations. 


It's time to feed Maleah! 
Grow in God and godliness :)