Co-dependency

My parents just left :) They finally got to meet their newest granddaughter. It was a great visit! My mama did a great job with baby! Maleah is usually only content when Dillon or I hold her. 

Maleah is doing much better with her tummy troubles. My newest challenge is soothing her to sleep on her own in the bassinet. She is used to being held, rocked, bounced 24-7 since she was in so much pain. Oh well :) One day at a time! On a brighter note, I am loving this warm weather :) BRING IT!! I love a clear blue sky and a sun hanging high in the heavens. 

Last night (well this morning :o) I realized my complete dependency on God. As Christians, we 'know' this > but ever so often this reality smacks us in the face! My inadequacy has been hanging out lately. Life has become one of constant prayer; I pray for things I NEVER thought I'd pray for. One example- I pray that Maleah will burp* No kidding :0) After every feeding I beseech God on Maleah's behalf. If baby girl doesn't burp, she will be in pain later and spit up all her nutrients. LOL, it sounds so silly but it's so important. Ah, the little and seemingly inconsequential- trivial- things in life hold so much weight in the first few weeks of life. It's amazing how much prayer time you can fit into your daily life when you're awake every 2 hours :)

Soli Deo Gloria

You are what you Think

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.



WOW!! This verse is so rich! If only I could live consistently by this verse, OH I would be such a happier Jesus girl :) God has shown me just how much I need to LIVE out His Word, not merely a reader of the scriptures. A reader of the bible requires discipline, but a doer of the Word requires practice and a complete reliance on my Savior. A doer of the the scriptures means there will be times of defeat and failure (and who wants that?!?!) BUT how fulfilled one's spiritual walk with Christ becomes during this brutal exercise! The Holy Spirit has continually pointed to these verses in Philippians this week. This is my week's verse for sure :) It hasn't been fun, let me tell ya!! Nevertheless, I have grown this week- as a believer and mama; my fellowship with the Father is ever so sweet lately because of the brokenness and self-INsufficiency I have experienced. 


My Philippians walk started Sunday- 
Julian went with Jeremy (bio dad) to Tennessee to visit family. They left Friday and were expected home Sunday. My anxiety peaked at an all-time high Sunday just before midnight. The last text message I received from Julian was before 5pm Sunday... and then NOTHING... He wasn't responding to my text messages or answering his phone. Jeremy's phone was off or dead, and I couldn't get through to him either. What a horrifying feeling. When someone has your baby, only God knows how far away, and you can't get in touch with him. Immediately I share my concern with Dillon. He tried to likewise reach Julian to no avail. Then I get all "fleshly" mama bear mode and start texting Jeremy's sister who lives in Utah to get Jeremy's girlfriend's number, and see if their side of the family has heard any news... just reliving it through this blog causes my blood pressure to rise. While I wait (ever so impatiently) for a response, Dillon suggests that he share with me what our Pastor taught at church that day- since Baby and I don't leave the house yet, not until 4-6 weeks :) First, Dillon prays! THANK THE LORD for my wonderful man of God!!! However, during the entirety of his prayer I had to WORK to fix my thoughts on what he was saying. It was not easy! My thoughts were going to the worse places! Ever been there? During his prayer of protection for our son I'm thinking Julian is in a hospital badly hurt, close to death- wishing his mommy and daddy were there to hold and kiss him... tears flood my eyes, even now, thinking on such horrible things. During the time Dillon was sharing God's WORD with me, I had to fight (yes, that's the best adjective to describe this inner battle), and repeatedly re-directed my thoughts to God's Word- to those which are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise. Most of us will 'fight' momentarily, but the struggle comes when the fight requires hours... I usually give into sin by that point. We can usually force ourselves to go to that "happy" place for moments at a time- for Christians, our happy place is God; a reflection upon His goodness, His faithfulness in the past, His promises in the scriptures to never leave or forsake us- and one of my favorites~ His promise in Romans 8:28, "God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God..." In this moment of insecurity, doubt, fear, anger & anxiety I had to stay in my safe place- in His arms. I had to pray, "Lord, I know you are sovereign.. Julian is yours. You are with him now. You are always with him and you love Julian more than I could ever imagine. If something horrible did happen, I know you can sympathize. Your One and only Beloved Son died a gruesome death on a cross, alone. This death was ultimately to fulfill a beautiful promise that brought redemption to all your chosen people- and everything that happens tonight and every day is not outside of your perfect plan.. for me and for Julian." The anxiety dwindled... but then it would arise with fierceness again and again... and I lived in this spiritual warfare for hours. The Lord finally brought sleep upon my eyes and rest for my soul.  Maleah awoke for her 4am feeding, and I was thrilled to see a text message from Jeremy saying they would be home Monday. Oh, Joy DOES come in the morning as the psalmist says :) I know it sounds weird to some, but I feel closer to God after a night like that! My prayer life has a new finesse :) 


These verses have also been applied in moments of caring for a restless, inconsolable baby girl :) When the clean laundry is piled high, mocking me from the corner of my bedroom... when my hubby isn't as tidy as I would like... when friends or family let me down... when I'm feeling frustrated or struggling with lonliness, these verses apply! I have learned a great deal this week and just last night I had to learn some more!!! Life is tough! Life can be dirty and ugly- but wash away that grit with a focus on Christ (THE ONE who is , and He will reveal just how beautiful He is! He is the only One who is perfectly  true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise!!! So I will think upon Him! If my thoughts are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise, I will be too >> not for my benefit, but for the glory and honor of God :) 


Remember,
You are what you Think

Fellowship

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 



I've been meditating on these verses today. I was prompted to do so by the homeschooling devotional I receive daily. (I love them!!) Initially, I thought about church- I'm sure you church-goers did as well :) But I really believe this verse is pointing to that & more! Are we surrounding ourselves with other Christians? It has been difficult for me to do much during these past 2 weeks; but I have been inclined by the Word of God this afternoon to make intentional efforts to stir up others to love and good works- not neglecting to spend time with my sisters in Christ :) We get so much strength when we live life in numbers! Talking on the phone (or texting) is good, and I suppose facebook has its perks- but I'm going to invite a family from church over this week for a visit :) I have to find a good day that works for Dillon and I, but fellowship is vital for our spiritual well-being! The author of Hebrews is specifically addressing Christians in this context- so an invitation to my unbelieving family & friends will wait for another time; the bible definitely has suggestions for them too!   


Maleah had tummy troubles all last night... it was a long night :/ You feel so helpless when your baby is hurting and there's only so little you can do. So Dillon, Maleah & I took a warm bath together in our jacuzzi tub! She loved it & it helped tremendously :)


Can't wait to see Julian. He's been with his biological dad since Friday! Our house isn't a home without him here. 

Greetings

I am so excited to start blogging! I've been praying about starting a blog. I definitely desire to use this as an avenue to bring Christ glory :) It was either this- or a paper journal... who uses paper anymore? haha! Well, today I am in bed with baby girl, Maleah Grace. She has an upset tummy :( I have pretty much cut out all dairy from my diet; that has helped her, since I am nursing. However, I had a vanilla malt Friday- and I believe this is the culprit for a fussy baby- dairy despairs. Guess I can't do that for a while. She's only 2 weeks old, and I suppose her tummy needs some time to adjust to certain foods. Too bad I LOVE milk, haha... For now, I drink Almond Milk :) The sacrifices of a mama :) It is so worth it!!! No amount of words can describe the love a mother has for her babies! I never imagined I could love another the way I do my son, Julian. Boy I was wrong!! I absolutely love them both! Dillon is infatuated with his baby girl too- and Julian adores his baby sister. We are just full of love over here!!! Our cup runneth over!! The most difficult adjustment has been my inability to do anything alone. Maleah requires my absolute attention. Dillon helps so much when he gets home from work; he holds rocks her or plays "Daddy Train" so I can shower :) I haven't done my hair in 2 weeks LOL, so it stays up with a headband in place. Hopefully I look presentable! But you know what? This is such a precious time in my life and every bad hair day is worth it!!! :) It won't be long until Maleah wants me to do her hair :) 


On another note, I completed Genesis 2 days ago! Started Exodus and I am still in Matthew :) I'm on track to finish the bible in a year. It is definitely a matter of discipline. My prayer is that I desire God's Word- that I feel empty and incomplete if I neglect my spiritual food. It feels so amazing when I am intimately acquainted with my Savior in the scriptures- so WHY do Christians put it down for days at a time?? I've never understood this phenomenon. It's a spiritual battle. The enemy doesn't want us to be equipped with the only offensive weapon we have as believers. As a nurse, I would grow irritated with patients who did not take their medication as ordered... it's no wonder they're back in the hospital, sick AGAIN- but God just revealed my hypocrisy!! You see, when I neglect the Word, it's no wonder I get sick spiritually.. I can be quick to anger or grow irritated. I am prone to bitterness, lonliness, impatience with my son or Dillon- mostly during times of disobedience, I am a Silent Sinner. The thoughts and contentions of my heart are dishonorable and ugly. I am not suggesting that one is capable of a sinless, perfect life if you read your bible, although that would be incredible!!! I am insinuating, however, that we would have more ammunition to fight our sinful inclinations. 


It's time to feed Maleah! 
Grow in God and godliness :)