I'm not who I was

It's hard when things change. I use to be the one with a strong mind, rarely shifting, not easily consumed; the woman who can let things go and move on with grace. 

When you endure the greatest pain your soul has ever witnessed, things change. I don't like this change. I despise my mind, at times. The enemy longs to trample my hope and my peace. In the not-so distant past, I wasn't so easily his victim. I have times of great victory, but others seem almost unbearable. 

I have much to glory in. I have a sweet husband who points me to the cross, and solid friends who bathe me in the scriptures during my times of lowliness. I have two precious children whose faces, smiles, and laughter keep me above water. 

Above all those, I have a Father who holds me. He doesn't leave me here; He always picks me up. I have some one to look to... 

Adoption Option

This is one of those mornings I feel the grace and tender mercies of The Lord surrounding me. In these moments, I'm moved to pray and worship- and I pray for many of you... 

I pray today for some sisters in Christ who share in grief for the loss of their children. Although I cannot imagine the heavy grief and pain that seeks to bury them under, I do know God is enough & He holds those babies close, even now. 

God has laid upon my heart to strongly consider adoption. I am in much prayer as I seek His timing. I met a nurse at work yesterday who just adopted a sweet, bi-racial baby named Jaden. She greatly encouraged me and offered her knowledge and experience whenever I'm ready to start the process. I was surprised to learn about a $13,000 child tax credit to those who adopt. So, after fees etc Jacque paid $20,000. After the first of the year, she will receive $13,000 back; so, really, she's only out $7,000 and she has a beautiful baby boy to call her own. She was realistic and reminded me that tragic things do happen ok the adoption process, as it did to her as well- but she spoke to my heart when saying, "if your heart is right, and you're doing it for the right reason- to glorify God- it's worth it!" We spend more on houses and cars and college... Imagine if EVERY Christian family adopted just one child, one orphan... I wonder if there would be such a thing as long term foster care? I wonder if we would have any orphans or group homes... 

Julian and I are on our 3rd week of running together! It's been a blessing and sweet memories have been made already! He's never been a runner, but I have seen such vast improvements as he grows in strength and technique :) 

My 8th wedding anniversary is growing near! My heart's desire is to see Dillon as God sees him... He is so precious and dear to me. Forgive & beloved ❤

Simple truth

It's hard to feel yourself into the right action, but it's much easier to act yourself into the right feelings. If you do the right thing long enough, God will change your feelings & your heart to that which is right, good & pure :) 

If you struggle with bitterness, anger, regret, depression... Start by serving and loving on others. 

A sackcloth of ashes

I am feeling the weight of grief heavy upon my heart this morning. So many of the ones I love or know closely are experiencing despair. At times, I feel my prayers and poorly-articulated words are inadequate. We will keep our hope stayed on Him, the Author and perfecter of our faith. 

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. (Psalm 39:7 ESV)

Oh Lord, help our unbelief. 

New beginnings

I am excited to say my ankle is healing wonderfully. There is some mild swelling but minimal discomfort. 

In other news, in preparation for basketball season, Julian and I have started Couch 2 5K :) he missed last year's season and is pretty out of shape, but I am excited to teach my son about physical discipline as well as spiritual discipline- denying the flesh & such!  During this program (free app downloadable under C25k) you begin with intervals of walking 1.5 minutes and jogging 1 minute! While we are on our walking interval, we spend that time talking about life and praying aloud together! I am soaking it all in; I have a feeling I will never forget these sweet memories we are making! His dad & him do music and touring together & play Halo :) while him and I play minecraft and jog together... So much of parenthood and childhood discipleship has to be intentional. Otherwise, you go to bed at night and think, "did I spend ANY quality time with my children today..." It happens to me too. 

Maleah has been waking up in the middle of the night and refusing to soothe herself back to sleep. One would think after 20 months we would be passed this; I'm unsure if she's hurting, having night terrors, or just being clingy... Pray for us as we decide how to handle this situation. It seems we find ourselves here every few months. 

Homeschool has been stressful these past months but is still very much a delight. My Pilgrim's Progress curriculum is coming along nicely :) 

Bless The Lord, O my soul 

Another week... Times flies in a blink

This morning was met by the siren of my cellular alarm at 4am... But God was so good; I felt energized, alert and greatly anticipated the tasks before me. 

I began my usual Monday with homeschool preparations and time with my Lord. Although these mornings have the makeup for extreme stress, I choose instead to enjoy these moments with Jesus. Another Monday to practice trust and an abiding peace and strength that comes only from Abundant Love. I continued reading from my chapter on speech. 

I was reminded that the word slander used in the bible is the word used for satan. Wow! Moreover, the biblical definition of "slander" differs from the world's:

 1.

the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation.

"he is suing the TV network for slander."

God's definition is any statement, true or not, made with the purpose of ruining another's reputation. 

Additionally, according to The Word, a reputation is valued far more than riches... In line with this thinking, slander will rob a person of their character value; one who engages in this practice is a tool in Satan's hand... Eeek! 

Those of us with children, they hear us. Are we modeling Christ or Satan when we speak of others? 

To wives: do we slander our husbands to family, girlfriends, coworkers, or social media? I know I don't want to be used by Satan in my marriage! 

If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotion or excited by a person's poor choices, just shut your mouth... Seems harsh, but don't you think it's far better to glorify your Savior rather than elevating Satan? 

Here's a challenge- for me- don't engage in another's slander. Do not partake! If it's too awkward to offer correction in that situation, kindly excuse yourself from the conversation.  

Update on my 30 day challenge! 

I encountered a severe sprain of my ankle and foot. Further, I ate poorly this weekend during our family get-away :/ 

I am very unfaithful to bodily disciplines, I'm discovering... Who am I kidding?!??!! I've known this!!! But instead of throwing in the towel, I will truck along and see if I make any progress, despite this setback! 

Love God; love people. 

Fail

Well, week one was a fail! In many ways this week was met with small victories, however. I exercised more days than not, and I ate more frequent meals :) I realize that my work days consist of more discipline. I suppose it is due to my crazy schedule overload on "off"'days. Whatever the case, I am moving in the right direction! I will still examine my results after day 30  but may evaluate my results after 30 days of consistent exercise as well- if there are any results! 

Physical discipline is important! But spiritual discipline far surpasses it. I have felt great spiritually this past week, since I have been able to enjoy time with The Lord in His Word and presence through prayer and time of meditation. So much of our victories in this life depend upon our mental success and mastery, as most would agree. If I am spiritually drained, I do not have the motivation I need to love God, love my family, serve others with compassion and gentleness- much less bodily exercise! Mental, emotional & spiritual distress wears you down; it's exhaustive! 

I have thoroughly enjoyed a new study I've been wading through on the disciplines of a godly woman as seen in Titus 2:3. One discipline, in particular, is the discipline of my mouth, the words I speak. Our verbal conduct is a good thermometer of our inward parts, our heart's bent and character. I will be meditating, pondering with great purpose, on the following verse this week: 

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45 ESV)

Especially note the last portion of verse 45... Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks... The words and tone in which we articulate those words are an inside look into our minds and heart! Scary! Especially if our words are ones of bitterness, gossip, or frequent complaints and murmuring. I want all of my words, verbal and non verbal, to communicate love and grace, mercy and patience. I want people to love Jesus more because my words lead them to the cross. 

To recap, spiritual disciplines far surpass physical rigidity. Often, your bodily regimen will be affected by your emotional & spiritual state of mind, for better or for worse. One such godly discipline to start with is our mouths :) This week, REALLY listen to the speech content of the people around you. Consciously note what's in their hearts by what they speak about. What do they love? What upsets their core? What rattles their peace? Next, evaluate yourself. Perhaps ask someone very close to you these questions to glean from their perspective. (Don't be upset by their honesty) Are you a reflection of Christ? Pray for wisdom and power to change your heart thereby changing the words and tones that proceed from your mouth. Words are powerful, indeed. In the book of James in the bible, James, the brother of Jesus, says we can light a forest fire with our tongues! Dear friends, may we light a passion for Christ with these words we speak! 

And may we do more lunges this week ;)

Am I up for the challenge?

Today is day one of my experiment! I have always heard one should eat frequent, small meals throughout the day... Well, I do the opposite! I don't feel hungry most of the day, and then I gorge out on unhealthy food choices, mostly. Furthermore, I have not been disciplined bodily in almost a month. I work out occasionally but nothing that's going to benefit me in the long haul. So, I am vowing to work out 20 minutes daily, leaving one day for rest. Meanwhile, I will eat small every 2 hours. For example, this morning I ate wheat toast and 1 hard boiled egg. At 10am I ate another hard boiled egg. At 12 I will eat my apple. 2 o'clock is usually when I eat lunch at work and I have a protein bar to eat at 4... Even if I'm not hungry, I'm going to eat SOMETHING! Now, I'm not going to eat like a rabbit for every meal, I want to be realistic to obtain long term goals here! Also, I took my starting weight this morning, and I will not weigh myself again until the end of my 30 days! If all goes well with this little experiment, I will post before and after pics etc :) 

I know someone may be thinking, like myself uh hum, 20 minutes a day can't be effective! That's the point. Any one can do 20 minutes a day!!! I'm the type if I can't devote at least 30-45 minutes I think, "why bother?" 

But will 20 minutes of consistent, moderate-difficult exercise coupled with small frequent meals make a difference? If it does, how much of a difference? 

We shall see!!!!! I think this will be fun! If anyone wants to join me on this adventure, I want to hear about it :) 

The Working Homeschool Mom

I am grieved to see that I stopped writing long ago... 

Life gets ahold and the business of the mundane, and the not-so-mundane, sets in and soon before one realizes, we set aside the things we love and enjoy (like reading, blogging, scrapping, photography...). 

Yesterday as I was driving my daughter and I to the park, the thought occurred to me that I should start blogging again! It would be entitled The Working Homeschool Mom! 

Now that would grab some attention! We are a rare breed, indeed! Before I begin this new writing journey with whomever stumbles across this poor, un-groomed blog spot, I need to update this page a bit. 

First, this is my second year as a homeschool mom to a 5th grade son who loves Jesus, being his dad's DJ, playing Minecraft, & Halo, building, art, reading, and basketball! Julian is 100% sugar, a human sponge and incredibly observant! Maleah is now 19 months and is 100% spice! She's feisty and hard-to-get and loves to ham up any situation. She reminds me of her daddy so much! My girl loves an audience and enjoys getting laughs at all her silly quirks! If you want some lovin' from her, just ask... she'll sweetly smile at you and take off running in the opposite direction! My children bring me so much joy and bless me beyond words. When I hold them in my arms, it still brings tears to my eyes as I reflect on the richness and brevity of this life. None of us deserve these miniature blessings that take over our lives :) 

I have loved one man for 10 years now! Dillon has returned to school for an English degree, and I have resumed nursing at Norman Regional Hospital to bring income for our family. This has been met with great challenges, especially with homeschool in mind, but I am very excited for my husband! He sacrificed so much for so many years, so I could obtain a degree in registered nursing and live out my dream. Shortly after I finished school, we decided that homeschool was the most beneficial option for our son's education. Thereafter, I began to stay home with our children again- only 9 months after graduating nursing school, might I add :) 

Here we are! I'm a working mother, wife, homeschool teacher, Dillon Chase Music Manager, and ladies' bible study leader :) I love my life! We are some of the busiest people I know, but we make it work! Christ has so designed and orchestrated things to be this way for now; we will glorify our Maker as we gain our strength from Him daily. 

There is so much, really! So much, in fact, I believe it would be exhausting to write out today, and to read :) I believe you would grow weary just reading about my schedule! Haha! However, these years will zooooom by, and I want to remember them! I want to remember how Christ brought the strength He promises to provide. Some of the common subjects I will share about include: spiritual life/ temptations/ and promises. I will share about my struggle, and mostly every one's on planet AMERICA, with physical discipline. You will read about home school life, struggles and victories... and even about my most vulnerable areas and the tender places in my heart and mind. I am not here to present a superficial, perfect facade; I intend to be brutally, humiliatingly honest. Otherwise, what's the point, really? 

In all things, I hope to point you to Jesus. He's the One who brings meaning to the madness, hope in darkness and joy in aloneness...